Madness? What.

So this morning I rolled over at 4:00, looked at the clock and turned my alarm off. Even before it was scheduled to go off at 6:00 am. Why?

Well, I justified that Tapering isn't just reducing mileage but sleeping extra. Is this a lie I simply made up to satisfy my lazy cravings?

Maybe.

But I'm going with it. I take off 2 days a week and I figure it won't kill me to get a little extra sleep. Wouldn't you know my two furry monsters of dogs proceeded to hog the bed though.

Oh well, I snuggled for that extra 2 hours anyway.

Taper Madness

Well, I'm not really in the throes of Taper Madness yet, BUT I know I will be in about 10 days.

Why?

Because The Chicago Marathon is merely 3 weeks away. That means 21 days until one of the best days of each year. And what makes it better? My Husband is coming! He didn't attend last year and though I had tons of fun bonding with my Father, I missed my better half. He keeps me grounded, happy and humble. Humble, mostly. ;)

I logged my longest run of the summer/year at 20.23 miles yesterday (who's counting the .23? Oh wait, I am) in 3 hours. It was definitely an awesome run. Started around 45 degrees and I think it actually dropped by the end. When you run that far, you can hit up all parts of town and some of the country too. My dad of course logged 24 miles (show off!!), and 4 hours. So really...I'm more awesome, right?

So now begins the daunting task of resting, less miles and more stretching, good nutrition and mind pumping. I find taper more daunting because your mind/body plays tricks on you. Did that hurt before? What if I'm not good enough? Did I train enough?

I know the answer to that last question. NOPE, I didn't train enough. But what I DID do is make the best of the situation. I listened to my body, took the extra time to ride/cross-train and then got back to the streets when I was ready. THAT, is what I did. I can only trust that I know my body can do this.

Also, I got new shoes last week. Asics Kayanos. Yes, I am spoiled...I had used Brooks Trance series for the last 2 years and they just didn't seem to be wearing well. I'm talking running through to the mid-sole only about 350 miles into the life of my shoes. I hope these Asics do better, they should...they were a pretty penny.

AND, AND I love Bio-Freeze. My knees were mad at me yesterday, might have something to do with the fact that I helped schlep shingles up a ladder yesterday at my BIL's house. Okay, only ONE bundle, but that counts!

*eying the clock* SOMEONE needs to stretch. Ugh.

Slowing Down

Urgh.

Tuesday morning I was out running, and pushed it. Pushed it. I mean that kind of pushing that you don't care how stupid you look, you're RUNNNNING.

And then I was rewarded with the 8:31/avg pace that was shown on my trusty Garmin. And the next day I was also rewarded with twinges of weirdness in my left leg. And my mind went into overdrive. What is that? What about if I move it this way? What about that way? How do I stretch this? Can I find it?

I would prod, poke, stretch, move, and see how I could actually locate where the twinges were coming from. BUT, I could put on my sock, get into the shower and I even managed to mow the lawn (huge hill included) and still walk.

SO?

I am slowing down my friends. (still zero if you're counting...) I read an article about 7 things you should avoid, and I'm pretty sure I've done all of them. So I slowed down this morning...I listened to my body...slow and steady. And really not that slow at all....8.5 miles avg pace of 9:07/mile.

With all luck I will still be able to do my scheduled 17 on Saturday...let us just hope the rain holds off.

WHEE!

TOUGH MUDDER!!!

Wow. Someone should backhand me, because I can't believe I forgot about this very very very important event that I participated in during the 3rd weekend in July.

Yes, the Tough Mudder. Now, I had never heard of this event, until someone asked me about it with a link on Facebook. And I should've never clicked on that link. Wait, I it wasn't the link that did me in, it was the FORWARDING of the link to my Husband. Matt was instantly hooked, ran into the kitchen that evening and said "WE.MUST.DO.THIS!!11!!"

And so, without much fanfare, we were registered a mere 3 days later, and showed up about 5 weeks after registering to the event. Matt and I had NO idea what to expect. In fact, Matt was hyped and so worried about everything that he was driving me absolutely bonkers. He was worried about food, drink, sleep, weather, what he should wear, how he looked. Seriously...he was being a total girl about it. And actually it was definitely endearing and I thought he was very cute, but...still drove me crazy.

We didn't actually run the event until 1:20 and it was a blazing 95 degrees and sunny in Wisconsin that day. Wowza.

Rundown:

1. HILLY, wow. Hills. I love me some hills, up down, up down...but this, THIS was crazy. Apparently the course on Devil's Head was only 2nd most hilly to DENVER, CO. There were points when I just walked, and I don't walk hills, but Matt and I did. And we passed people. On the uphill. Nuts.

2. Water stops: not enough. The first water station was 2 miles in...and then only 3 more during the entire race. They had large jugs with pumps that you filled your tiny cup with. SMRT. Especially given that there were over 12,500 people running that day. BRILLS.

3. Waits: There were very few periods of waiting at obstacles, but the worst was the under-barbedwire-crawly-mud section. Could you tell I didn't know the name? But, it was still fun...

4. Worst Obstacle: Electrocution. People asked before the race if they REALLY electrocuted you. I can answer with 100% certainty. YES, they do. Matt and I were 3 hours in...running up the last micro-hill and turned the corner. Wires, everywhere, hanging down. They scream at you to "RUN!" and you link arms and go...about 2/3 the way through...I remember feeling like I was absolutely just jackhammered in the stomach and down I went. I then remember thinking "WHAT.THE.F*CK was THAT!?" and fight or flight kicked in and I crawled the heck out of there. Apparently the perfect mud outline on my back was very entertaining. Whatever, yeah...whatever.

5. Showers: what showers? There was a clusterfluck of hoses situated and barely functioning so you stood in line and had to shimmy the hose up and down to maintain water pressure. It was pointless, but fun to have people watch while Matt groped me while rinsing the 1.5lbs of mud off my body.

Okay, that is literally the MOST basic rundown I could give.

Bottom line: We are so doing this again next year. Maybe twice even. Once in Minnesota and Wisconsin again.

WHEE!!!

One Picture:

THROW THEM LOGS!

Next Up and Interruption!

So...with an injury lingering I took off the week of June 6-10 and then had ANOTHER race on the 11th, the Flood Run that actually was a super flat/super fast 7 mile run.

I took off during that race and didn't look back. And finished in an astounding 54:47 (WOW!), but unfortunately I continued to aggravate my adductor muscle and left the race limping (again!).

Inside my head I knew this was not just a fluke and was completely bummed. I took off the next two weeks and prepared to just duke it out...I waited 10 days and then participated in another race on July 4th but honestly....I took off most of July from running. I needed that rest. My July 4th race was an 8k followed by another 5+ miles to my parent's house to train. Bad idea, but honestly I needed to get out...feel it out...and clear out the cobwebs. Just in time to shelve it for another 3 weeks. A SOLID 3 weeks.

In those 3 weeks I remembered how much I loved running, how much I had taken it for granted and how many other things I could invest my time in. I took up riding my trail bike and lifted like I never lifted before.

What did it get me?

A fresh outlook on running, a re-discovery of my passion for running. To feel the pounding of the pavement, the pain in my feet and the heat oozing out of my pores.

I can say that I did participate in another race at the end of July, however this was for "fun" as it is a very very very packed race and "racing" is not really an option, unless you're planning on qualifying, which still doesn't guarantee you a great spot.

So here I am....6+ weeks until the Chicago Marathon and I've logged nearly 17 miles this week. Another 16 on Saturday. My leg is holding out, I can still:

a. put on socks
b. lift it up to get into the tub

Those were my two indicators when it was screaming at me during the months of June and July. I've never felt my age until this summer.

The two things that have helped tremendously:

a. stretching (duh!)
b. Epsom Salt baths (yes, I am old!)

I have dedicated myself to stretching about 5-10 minutes each day...I make time for it. I know if I don't...it will be baddd. So?

Oh and you wouldn't BELIEVE how many people don't even KNOW what an Adductor is. Really?

Back up!

Okay, so here goes on my Race Reviews or Review as I'm too lazy to do more than one at a time.

Wow, I can't believe, I have about 5-6 reviews to do here.

What is first? Oh! Dam to Dam in Des Moines.

The course starts at Saylorville Dam outside and ends downtown in Des Moines. It is a nice 20k jaunt with lots of scenery and great crowds. And by great crowds, I mean people looking comfortable on the side of the road while you sweat your a$$ off running.

Usually this race is very very hot. I'm talking 75 at the start with nice hot hot sun beating down on you. Well, this year was no different (unfortunately). I really wanted to PR, but couldn't find it within me to actually push hard enough to break the 1:48 time that I had last year. BUT, last year it was an atypical year with nice cold breezes and a light rain that had started as a downpour earlier in the day.

Luckily by mile 10.5 I ran into a friend that I've known for awhile. She is training for her first Marathon in Chicago this year and we chatted it up. She actually was suffering from a bit of tummy trouble (read: solid or not? farts) so I helped coach her through and we distracted each other and I saw my finish time not be what I desired but hugged my friend, thanked her for her help and was on my way.

UNFORTUNATELY as that day wore on, my leg was bothering me. And by weekend END, I could hardly lift my left leg to put my sock on or get into the shower. It was agony. I thought it was just nothing to worry about, but as the week continued, I realized I was INJURED. *cue dramatic music*

I tried running a mere 3 days later, got about 2 blocks away and turned around. It was a definite no-go.

More later...

How to?

How do you go about getting back into something after a 3+ month hiatus. Hmm. HI-AYYYY-TUSS. I like that word.

Oh what was I saying? Oh yes...how do I branch into normalcy or some sort of normalcy.

In reality, I am a ramble, not Faulkner-esque, but close enough. I don't think about ONE thing, I go from running, to my socks, to my eye itches, to oh I rubbed my mascara off...to....look at my fingernails....ugh.

So what I'm saying is...if you have a tip all 0 readers of you out there...what is it?

Jump in...baptism by fire?

I could review all the races I've done since the HiYayTuss started? I guess that is something. Let's see if I actually get back to that. Heh.

Welp, I owe a few blogs here!

Okay, first things first, or is it First thing...first? Whatever.

The Marion Arts Festival 5k. I was asked to join by H and his sisters. I was afraid they wouldn't enter and we'd run it alone. NEVER fear, they came through.

We showed up in muggy nearly 70 degree weather, overcast the skies ready to break, but they held out. The race did start promptly at 8 am, which I was VERY thankful for. There is nothing worse than a race that languishes with the anthem, blithering, talking, *asphinctersayswhat*, annnoyingggg. But nope, "ready, set, GO!" was all we heard. And Matt and I were off with the herd of people.

I knew my chances were good, no garmin, I was nice enough to lend it to Matt and let him track his pace. I eventually let him go about 1.2 miles into the race, and kept myself at a nice pace, even though I had no clue what it was.

I rounded the last turn, saw the clock and it was around 22:40 and knew I was okay with that. I crossed the finish line at 23:05, and found Matt immediately. The jerk *I mean that lovingly of course* had finished in 22:23 and was "okay" with that. We headed off to get our placements, and I placed 3rd in my division. ATHENA, for the bigger gals. heh. I'll take it.

We waited for Matt's sisters to finish, 33 and 38 minutes VERY respectably, go ladies!!

I collected my glass football/ashtray/paperweight/bludgening device and we made a quick decision to eat with family at a restaurant. Now, the best part of the day? The race. The not so best part? The food. That restaurant gets a loud *womp womp*

Check out the pictureage!

Look, I CAN run!

But...not finish. Apparently I was feeling it!

Oh, okay, that's how it's gonna be!?!?

So, my husband and I are both participating in a race this upcoming Saturday. It is a Marion Art's Festival 5k. I only agreed to run the race because his sisters were interested and he asked me to tag along. Okay, I will do that.

I normally don't even register for a 5k because honestly, *looking down nose* 5k is nothing to me...and I know that sounds absolutely pompous and horrible. I am aware of that, and please forgive me. But I was very excited to hear that my SILs were interested and ready to try a smaller race, even if it meant walking a good portion or just trying their best.

Back to my husband. I remember running with him about 6 years ago, when he tried his hand at it. He wouldn't really venture beyond 4 miles, but those 4 miles? Fast. REALLY fast, okay, not KENYAN fast, but fast for me. See, running was not his "thing", it was mine, and I didn't mind slowing a bit and running for over an hour. He wanted it done as fast as possible. Did I mention he was fast?

Fast forward again to last week, asks if I want to run with him one morning, I of course say, "sure". We strap up, get going and I'm pacing him, if not in front of him a bit around 8:30/mile and I'm proud of myself. We finish the run walking up a hill (I had to resist the urge to yell at him that "RUNNERS don't walk up hillssssss!!!!!!1!!!") and I'm patting myself on the back for keeping up.

Again, same question pops up yesterday and we strap up again, out the door. Only this time? I'm left in the dust. I pant and heave and try to keep up, he requested an 8min/mile and he's now pushing 7:20, and I'm a skid mark behind him.

I blame the heavy legs day. Squatting, single leg, deadlifts, calf raises...that is my excuse. I WILL keep up with him on Saturday, I am determined. I think we'll probably run together for the first 2 miles and then we'll sprint it out. I am hoping beyond hope that we finish around 22 minutes. That would be FANTASTIC.

Until then...I'll be stretching and squishing my legs. *pokes quad*

Bastardized Recipe

So, do you ever visit www.allrecipes.com search for a recipe and read the comments. People will get a recipe, mess it all up and then complain about the results. Well, you moron the recipe is not the problem, YOU are.

What recipe did I mess up, on purpose? Well, my friends (not plural, maybe someday): THIS one.

I made it PER recipe the first time (see, this is what you're *supposed* to do) and the decided, this would be a great faux-scotcharoo recipe. So I screwed with it.

I have a bad habit of not really measuring things, but eyeballing. I'm basically a dieter's nightmare, no food scale, no measuring cups or spoons, they're too finicky PLUS I would have to wash dishes, and I'm lazy.

What did I do?

-2 extra large scoops o'peanut butter (JIF Natural, I prefer others, but I had this)
-Roughly 3/4 cup of honey
*microwave ~60 seconds until honey is bubbly*
*stir furiously*
-3 scoops vanilla protein powder
-1/4 c. fiber one cereal
-1/4 rice krispies

Pat all of this into a small 8x8 pan and cool

For the top (oh, I didn't just stop there)
-1 large scoop o'peanut butter
-1/4 cup of honey
*microwave ~45 seconds*
*stir*
-2 scoops chocolate protein powder

Spread on top of cooled portion and refrigerate.

Eat all in one day.

You're welcome.

Also on the topic of food, this is not the greatest, in fact I regret this purchase. BOOOOO!



Save yourself the dough. Really.

Randoms

No, I'm not talking about the people you find at bars and take home. What kind of girl do you think I am? I'm a married woman.

I'm talking about random THOUGHTS. Yes....those. They're pretty much all I have lately.

1. I am so very excited to be meeting a few select friends for Margaritas tonight. It shouldn't REALLY be plural, but maybe I'll just *sniff* the second one, yeah?

2. My toenail is more black than it was a few days ago. I even shortened the nail and filed it down. No luck? Well, poo. I guess black is in?

3. Because of #1 up ^ I most likely won't be running much tomorrow.

4. Ketosis? It has been a subject I've been hearing about lately, basically such a low carb diet and I'm talking 30 net carbs that your body is always almost ketotic. Is that word? I'm not sure I could ever agree to this, but some supah skinny lifting chicks seem to proclaim it's usefulness. Were some of those sentences even complete?

5. Underwear. I need new ones. I don't like regular undies because I have no ass, and therefore it creeps up there. So what do I do? I buy thongs...because they're SUPPOSED to be up there, and they feel more comfortable. Don't argue with me, I know what I'm doing.

6. These:
Smoking Sheets, very handy. They had them at Target for $1.99 instead of $3.99, which if you can do math fast is 50% off. I'm smart like that.

7. Oh. I made my own Hummus last night. Very tasty. But now I have to figure out how to use it all.

Well, to tie this up, I'd like to give you a fun picture to look at:

*THUNDER THIGHS* BOOM! roasted

Okay, so this will be a bit of a "beat myself up" blog, but mostly a "see I can do it, too!" blog.

Man, I was excited to see my pictures from the Half on Saturday, until I actually *got* the photos. WHOA.

Those thighs are GIANT, but...they make me go fast!



Seriously. Here is another good one!

I swear, I'm not in that much pain. REALLY!



But wow. SOMEONE needs to do some work on those legs. LOL. A twig, I will never be.

Ah, such is the life of a girl like me. STURDY!

PS. I think my vag is trying to eat the liner of my shorts. HUNGRY VAG!

Awkward...

I Popped my Cherry *not what you think*

Heh.

So let's go back, let's go way way back. Well, not that far back. Christmas 2010, 5 months ago, I received a BRAND new pair of running shoes. Problem? Wrong size.

I finally exchanged them in February, for yet again, the WRONG size. But honestly, I measured them against the size I had used before, and they seemed all a-ok.

The only wear I did notice was on my third toe of my right foot. My middle toe if you will. Nothing too serious, just a little more than usual. I made sure to keep my nail very short.

Fast forward to this past race...I did notice more wear....more bumping, and more residual soreness. Fast forward yet AGAIN and last night...running. Fast like the wind, 7.43 miles in 60 minutes to be exact. Fastest yet.

And my toe? THROBBING. ACHING. I think I have gangrene. Jungle rot.

NOPE. I have popped my dreaded black toenail cherry. *WAH*

I am honestly just right now praying for relief, relief that probably won't come. Why not? Because I refuse to jab a hot needle into my toenail. I will just let it subside and then wait for it to fall off. And honestly, I don't even need that whole toe. There are 4 other perfectly fine toes to keep me upright.

So, can you paint the actual toenail bed?

Hey, at least I kept my pants on!

Ha. Listening to NPR this morning I couldn't help but chuckle.

Runners are so determined that after months of training they'll do ANYTHING to finish a Marathon/race.

Such was the case with this runner:

"A St. Paris, Ohio man, not even registered in the Flying Pig Marathon, caused quite a commotion at the race Sunday morning.

Police say 35-year old Brett Henderson was running down the course completely naked.

Officers told him several times to stop and get in a police cruiser, but Henderson did not listen.

Police took him into custody in front of the Greyhound Bus Station on Gilbert Avenue, after using a taser on him.

Henderson is charged with Public Indecency and Obstructing Official Business. He'll be arraigned in court on Monday."

*sing song* "I see London, I see France, I see your....nuts!?!?"

Apparently Mr. Henderson was running in borrowed shorts that continued to slip, and instead of just gutting it out...he decided to you know...run naked. TOTALLY rational, right?

Can you imagine being tased while naked? Or at all? Um...no.

While training for months can make you feel like you must.finish.at.all.costs, there are certainly times when re-evaluating should be done. Or at least just holding your pants up manually. Sheesh.

Even training is sometimes re-evaluated. This morning? Yep, I slept in. Last night I did a hard back/legs workout modified from p90x and I slept in. GLORIOUS. I actually did get up, let my two pups out, and climbed the deck stairs to protests from my legs. Can I actually skip an entire day?

Probably not, I will most likely just push my run back to this evening. AND? I'll wear pants.

Find the joy in running today, pants or not.

Drake Relays on the Road-Half Marathon Review

First off, did you know I could get 63% off lawn sculptures? Or so says my Groupon. And I'm *pretty* sure they don't sculpture what I want, if you know what I mean.

Alright on to the review!

I've run this Half twice before, but unlike my Father and his uncanny ability to remember EVERYTHING about races, I just remembered lots of pretty neighborhoods and rolling hills. This suspicion is confirmed by the description of: "A challenging, tree lined and park like course that runners have consistently enjoyed and considered the best Half-Marathon course in Iowa."

I'm pretty sure no one would say, "this course sucks ass and really no one likes it, but it's the only half-marathon around so they keep showing up. IDIOTS". NO but really, this course is literally rolling miles from mile 2-11. Up down, uuuupppppp dooowwwn, up....straight...turn...DOWWNN.

Okay, I need to backtrack to swag, entry fee and other particulars.

Fee: $25. Yes, please, this is vastly cheaper than most Half Marathons around.
Swag: Ugly grey shirt with this logo on the front:



So , not too jazzy, BUT the first 2000 Half-Marathoners that showed up to pick up packets got free socks. AND these happened to be the same sort of thin Asic's socks that I love, and my Dad hates, so I got two pairs. SCORE!

Organization:

The race is slated to start at 8 am. And this is the only race that I have ever attended that it actually DOES start at 8 am. No talking, no blithering about who is running, no anthem, just literally...."runners on your mark, set *BANG!*". It is glorious.

There were 10 water stations, which were very adequate. The course was well protected and traffic controlled by the finest of Des Moines police officers, and the spectators were friendly, albeit a little quiet. I prompted many by yelling "good morning!", much to the annoyance of some of my neighborly runners. I think I helped some run faster to get away from me. You're welcome for that.

On more personal note:

Dad and I pulled into the parking lot ($8 to park btw), and I realized at that moment, no GARMIN. Now, this could either be a blessing or a curse. So I decided at that split moment that I would let it be a blessing. I wouldn't watch my pace, and hold back, I would listen to my body, listen to the splits given by some mileage counters and just be on my way.

Miles 1-5 were a little crazy for me. Dad hung on until mile 4 and then I didn't hear him any more. I heard my 5th mile being called out as "41:33" and thought, I need to slow down a little and then no mile splits were called out again until mile 8. At that point I heard "1:07:43" and I was all "holy crapballs!" So though I didn't think I could get my split, I knew I would finish very close to my goal of 1:50.

We turned down the last stretch up a long 1.8 mile slow climb and I knew I would make it. I pushed and smiled and yelled and clapped. I probably looked like a mental patient (I'm used to it). Then a chick started passing me with 3 blocks to go, and I told her "go get it!". I love doing that, cheering on people who pass, because I know that when I run, I need that little push...and I hope I can be that little push for someone else.

All in all, I loved the race, and I will do it again. Because like childbirth (so I am told), the happiness at the end negates all the pain in the middle.

AND...ANNNDDD. I finished in front of my Dad. Maybe only by 1:20, but this is the FIRST time EVER that I've finished before him. He is hitting 60 years old this year, and I seriously have never beat him. Not without cramps or pain....in his case.

It only took nearly 20 years....sheesh.

Would I recommend this race? Yes. It's cheap, friendly, hilly and scenic.

Well crap.

Seriously it has come to my attention, that because I follow SO many blogs. (What? I work, sometimes.) That I should *probably* keep something up here. Because inevitably I leave this profile name on a comment and then whoa...someone clicks on it and they end up here.

And what has awaited that person (I flatter myself that someone would ACTUALLY click on my name-right?)? Only a piddly-ass single blog about self-sabotage. And yes, that issue still exists....yes....3 years later. Big whoop.

So....instead of leading someone to that one blog. I thought I would address said issue, with this blog....with a great title, regarding feces. CRAP. POO. SH*T. DUNG. I would go on, but it would take way too long. I have a great vocabulary. DOOKIE, DOODIE. Yes. Seee?

On a better note. I PR'ed today. And not because it was my first time running an event.

I believe it was the 3rd running of an event. A half-marathon, at a very famous relay in Iowa. In Des Moines (the esses are silent-Not Dez Moinezzz). Two years ago I ran this even in 1:54 and some change, and being that this year I felt better, more able, and garmin-less (stupid stupid me) I wanted to try to go faster.

And I did!?!!? 1:50:20 is my time. Rock.Star.

Well, not really, but for ME? ROCK.STAR.

And then I ate everything I could find. Trader Joes you never disappoint and shout out to Mimi's and their Lemon Poppyseed Pancakes. Let me hope that someone sees this blog and sends me coupons. But then why would I drive ALLLL the way to DM for pancakes? *whispers* I would. Because I'm awesome like that. :)

Okay, re-introduction to my crowd of cero over.