Bastardized Recipe

So, do you ever visit www.allrecipes.com search for a recipe and read the comments. People will get a recipe, mess it all up and then complain about the results. Well, you moron the recipe is not the problem, YOU are.

What recipe did I mess up, on purpose? Well, my friends (not plural, maybe someday): THIS one.

I made it PER recipe the first time (see, this is what you're *supposed* to do) and the decided, this would be a great faux-scotcharoo recipe. So I screwed with it.

I have a bad habit of not really measuring things, but eyeballing. I'm basically a dieter's nightmare, no food scale, no measuring cups or spoons, they're too finicky PLUS I would have to wash dishes, and I'm lazy.

What did I do?

-2 extra large scoops o'peanut butter (JIF Natural, I prefer others, but I had this)
-Roughly 3/4 cup of honey
*microwave ~60 seconds until honey is bubbly*
*stir furiously*
-3 scoops vanilla protein powder
-1/4 c. fiber one cereal
-1/4 rice krispies

Pat all of this into a small 8x8 pan and cool

For the top (oh, I didn't just stop there)
-1 large scoop o'peanut butter
-1/4 cup of honey
*microwave ~45 seconds*
*stir*
-2 scoops chocolate protein powder

Spread on top of cooled portion and refrigerate.

Eat all in one day.

You're welcome.

Also on the topic of food, this is not the greatest, in fact I regret this purchase. BOOOOO!



Save yourself the dough. Really.

Randoms

No, I'm not talking about the people you find at bars and take home. What kind of girl do you think I am? I'm a married woman.

I'm talking about random THOUGHTS. Yes....those. They're pretty much all I have lately.

1. I am so very excited to be meeting a few select friends for Margaritas tonight. It shouldn't REALLY be plural, but maybe I'll just *sniff* the second one, yeah?

2. My toenail is more black than it was a few days ago. I even shortened the nail and filed it down. No luck? Well, poo. I guess black is in?

3. Because of #1 up ^ I most likely won't be running much tomorrow.

4. Ketosis? It has been a subject I've been hearing about lately, basically such a low carb diet and I'm talking 30 net carbs that your body is always almost ketotic. Is that word? I'm not sure I could ever agree to this, but some supah skinny lifting chicks seem to proclaim it's usefulness. Were some of those sentences even complete?

5. Underwear. I need new ones. I don't like regular undies because I have no ass, and therefore it creeps up there. So what do I do? I buy thongs...because they're SUPPOSED to be up there, and they feel more comfortable. Don't argue with me, I know what I'm doing.

6. These:
Smoking Sheets, very handy. They had them at Target for $1.99 instead of $3.99, which if you can do math fast is 50% off. I'm smart like that.

7. Oh. I made my own Hummus last night. Very tasty. But now I have to figure out how to use it all.

Well, to tie this up, I'd like to give you a fun picture to look at:

*THUNDER THIGHS* BOOM! roasted

Okay, so this will be a bit of a "beat myself up" blog, but mostly a "see I can do it, too!" blog.

Man, I was excited to see my pictures from the Half on Saturday, until I actually *got* the photos. WHOA.

Those thighs are GIANT, but...they make me go fast!



Seriously. Here is another good one!

I swear, I'm not in that much pain. REALLY!



But wow. SOMEONE needs to do some work on those legs. LOL. A twig, I will never be.

Ah, such is the life of a girl like me. STURDY!

PS. I think my vag is trying to eat the liner of my shorts. HUNGRY VAG!

Awkward...

I Popped my Cherry *not what you think*

Heh.

So let's go back, let's go way way back. Well, not that far back. Christmas 2010, 5 months ago, I received a BRAND new pair of running shoes. Problem? Wrong size.

I finally exchanged them in February, for yet again, the WRONG size. But honestly, I measured them against the size I had used before, and they seemed all a-ok.

The only wear I did notice was on my third toe of my right foot. My middle toe if you will. Nothing too serious, just a little more than usual. I made sure to keep my nail very short.

Fast forward to this past race...I did notice more wear....more bumping, and more residual soreness. Fast forward yet AGAIN and last night...running. Fast like the wind, 7.43 miles in 60 minutes to be exact. Fastest yet.

And my toe? THROBBING. ACHING. I think I have gangrene. Jungle rot.

NOPE. I have popped my dreaded black toenail cherry. *WAH*

I am honestly just right now praying for relief, relief that probably won't come. Why not? Because I refuse to jab a hot needle into my toenail. I will just let it subside and then wait for it to fall off. And honestly, I don't even need that whole toe. There are 4 other perfectly fine toes to keep me upright.

So, can you paint the actual toenail bed?

Hey, at least I kept my pants on!

Ha. Listening to NPR this morning I couldn't help but chuckle.

Runners are so determined that after months of training they'll do ANYTHING to finish a Marathon/race.

Such was the case with this runner:

"A St. Paris, Ohio man, not even registered in the Flying Pig Marathon, caused quite a commotion at the race Sunday morning.

Police say 35-year old Brett Henderson was running down the course completely naked.

Officers told him several times to stop and get in a police cruiser, but Henderson did not listen.

Police took him into custody in front of the Greyhound Bus Station on Gilbert Avenue, after using a taser on him.

Henderson is charged with Public Indecency and Obstructing Official Business. He'll be arraigned in court on Monday."

*sing song* "I see London, I see France, I see your....nuts!?!?"

Apparently Mr. Henderson was running in borrowed shorts that continued to slip, and instead of just gutting it out...he decided to you know...run naked. TOTALLY rational, right?

Can you imagine being tased while naked? Or at all? Um...no.

While training for months can make you feel like you must.finish.at.all.costs, there are certainly times when re-evaluating should be done. Or at least just holding your pants up manually. Sheesh.

Even training is sometimes re-evaluated. This morning? Yep, I slept in. Last night I did a hard back/legs workout modified from p90x and I slept in. GLORIOUS. I actually did get up, let my two pups out, and climbed the deck stairs to protests from my legs. Can I actually skip an entire day?

Probably not, I will most likely just push my run back to this evening. AND? I'll wear pants.

Find the joy in running today, pants or not.

Drake Relays on the Road-Half Marathon Review

First off, did you know I could get 63% off lawn sculptures? Or so says my Groupon. And I'm *pretty* sure they don't sculpture what I want, if you know what I mean.

Alright on to the review!

I've run this Half twice before, but unlike my Father and his uncanny ability to remember EVERYTHING about races, I just remembered lots of pretty neighborhoods and rolling hills. This suspicion is confirmed by the description of: "A challenging, tree lined and park like course that runners have consistently enjoyed and considered the best Half-Marathon course in Iowa."

I'm pretty sure no one would say, "this course sucks ass and really no one likes it, but it's the only half-marathon around so they keep showing up. IDIOTS". NO but really, this course is literally rolling miles from mile 2-11. Up down, uuuupppppp dooowwwn, up....straight...turn...DOWWNN.

Okay, I need to backtrack to swag, entry fee and other particulars.

Fee: $25. Yes, please, this is vastly cheaper than most Half Marathons around.
Swag: Ugly grey shirt with this logo on the front:



So , not too jazzy, BUT the first 2000 Half-Marathoners that showed up to pick up packets got free socks. AND these happened to be the same sort of thin Asic's socks that I love, and my Dad hates, so I got two pairs. SCORE!

Organization:

The race is slated to start at 8 am. And this is the only race that I have ever attended that it actually DOES start at 8 am. No talking, no blithering about who is running, no anthem, just literally...."runners on your mark, set *BANG!*". It is glorious.

There were 10 water stations, which were very adequate. The course was well protected and traffic controlled by the finest of Des Moines police officers, and the spectators were friendly, albeit a little quiet. I prompted many by yelling "good morning!", much to the annoyance of some of my neighborly runners. I think I helped some run faster to get away from me. You're welcome for that.

On more personal note:

Dad and I pulled into the parking lot ($8 to park btw), and I realized at that moment, no GARMIN. Now, this could either be a blessing or a curse. So I decided at that split moment that I would let it be a blessing. I wouldn't watch my pace, and hold back, I would listen to my body, listen to the splits given by some mileage counters and just be on my way.

Miles 1-5 were a little crazy for me. Dad hung on until mile 4 and then I didn't hear him any more. I heard my 5th mile being called out as "41:33" and thought, I need to slow down a little and then no mile splits were called out again until mile 8. At that point I heard "1:07:43" and I was all "holy crapballs!" So though I didn't think I could get my split, I knew I would finish very close to my goal of 1:50.

We turned down the last stretch up a long 1.8 mile slow climb and I knew I would make it. I pushed and smiled and yelled and clapped. I probably looked like a mental patient (I'm used to it). Then a chick started passing me with 3 blocks to go, and I told her "go get it!". I love doing that, cheering on people who pass, because I know that when I run, I need that little push...and I hope I can be that little push for someone else.

All in all, I loved the race, and I will do it again. Because like childbirth (so I am told), the happiness at the end negates all the pain in the middle.

AND...ANNNDDD. I finished in front of my Dad. Maybe only by 1:20, but this is the FIRST time EVER that I've finished before him. He is hitting 60 years old this year, and I seriously have never beat him. Not without cramps or pain....in his case.

It only took nearly 20 years....sheesh.

Would I recommend this race? Yes. It's cheap, friendly, hilly and scenic.

Well crap.

Seriously it has come to my attention, that because I follow SO many blogs. (What? I work, sometimes.) That I should *probably* keep something up here. Because inevitably I leave this profile name on a comment and then whoa...someone clicks on it and they end up here.

And what has awaited that person (I flatter myself that someone would ACTUALLY click on my name-right?)? Only a piddly-ass single blog about self-sabotage. And yes, that issue still exists....yes....3 years later. Big whoop.

So....instead of leading someone to that one blog. I thought I would address said issue, with this blog....with a great title, regarding feces. CRAP. POO. SH*T. DUNG. I would go on, but it would take way too long. I have a great vocabulary. DOOKIE, DOODIE. Yes. Seee?

On a better note. I PR'ed today. And not because it was my first time running an event.

I believe it was the 3rd running of an event. A half-marathon, at a very famous relay in Iowa. In Des Moines (the esses are silent-Not Dez Moinezzz). Two years ago I ran this even in 1:54 and some change, and being that this year I felt better, more able, and garmin-less (stupid stupid me) I wanted to try to go faster.

And I did!?!!? 1:50:20 is my time. Rock.Star.

Well, not really, but for ME? ROCK.STAR.

And then I ate everything I could find. Trader Joes you never disappoint and shout out to Mimi's and their Lemon Poppyseed Pancakes. Let me hope that someone sees this blog and sends me coupons. But then why would I drive ALLLL the way to DM for pancakes? *whispers* I would. Because I'm awesome like that. :)

Okay, re-introduction to my crowd of cero over.